6/15/22

We are going through a heatwave right now, with the hottest, if not one of the hottest, temperatures on record for my state. It has been a steady 100-102 degrees in my room from 3 pm to around 8 at night, for two days.
And I have not exactly been having a great time.
I've mostly just spaced out for most the hours of the day. But today at least, around 7 ish, I decided to clean up a bit of my room, because I'm staying at my sisters next weekend to watch her dogs, and my mom in turn will be taking care of my bird, Quincy, while I do that.
And she complains about how unkempt I keep my room...so I figured I'd clean it up a bit for her.
I only managed to do one corner, though, before I had sweat running down my face and had to take a break.
When I went outside to dump the vacuum's dust container in the compost bin, my foot fell through the deck, as my deck had apparently caved in again, torn away from the crumbling foundation of my house.
How fun!
So, grumpy, extremely hot, and bruised, I am seething in my room.

5/24/22

my dog, pepperjack, has developed a habit of absolutely destroying our yard. she was digging super deep holes all over the place, including where we grow plants, for no reason! or so i thought.
apparently, today, she caught a mole. i think what she actually was doing, was hearing this mole dig underground, and she was trying to go after it. it was still alive when she had it, so my dad took it from her, and tossed it into the compost barrel, where it simply burrowed in deeper.
i have no idea what the repurcussions of this are. moles eat insects and grubs, so burrowing around in the compost bin, he's probably in mole heaven right about now. there's no way out, but why would he want one? hahahaha.
i don't THINK it'll harm the compost bin, in fact digging through it might help break it down, and better in there than in our yard with our dog trying to tear it up to get to him. everybodies happy, i think...

5/22/22

hello, i've been very busy recently. i was previously trying to be way more active, going for runs every day (and totally not as like, an excuse to get steps in for the game Pikmin Bloom..)
i've also been out weeding the garden, foraging plants for lunch, et cetera, et cetera. food is definitely in no way a short supply at the moment (and it shows. thus...the daily running...haha)
maybe, at this rate, i'll be able to fit in my pre-pandemic pants again, as the running joke goes.
i was TRYING to stay active though, at least, until, ive gotten sick recently.
it may or may not be covid again, can never really know for sure and we haven't gotten free tests yet.
i did have a fever of a hundred degrees the other day which is quite abnormal for me, even when i do get sick. i never really run particularly high fevers.
ive felt awful, like ive had the flu, and i have this annoying cough. i dont feel like i can't breathe, though, i can breathe somewhat smoothly despite the cough, but i have chest pain and i just feel in general shaky and weak, and definitely lots of brain fog and fatigue.
the other day, (or was that yesterday?) i slept most of the day, and only woke up around three times for a short period of time, before falling back asleep.
its been hard to get out of bed, and its making me pretty depressed. i definitely felt a bit better today though, and have been experimenting with the trial of live2d, learning how to use the program.
while it is rather time consuming, its actually incredibly easier to use than i thought it would be.
the most difficult part was trying to find the physics window in the poorly designed UI, which apparently can only be accessed at the very bottom of one of the drop down buttons on the top.
which, even the physics were incredibly easy to learn how to use!
i wonder if i could make some money off of making vtuber models, i hear people charge an extreme amount for those.
anyway, while ive been sick in bed, i've been..obsessed with youtube recommended. i recently discovered the "new to you" tab on the main page thats hidden by their awful sidebar menu, which you have to minimize to even see it without it getting cut off, but it basically functions how the old youtube recommendations used to function, and ive stumbled onto ALL SORTS of ridiculous videos.
my favorites are the drama videos of youtubers i dont know, calling out other youtubers i also don't know. (girl, she did what!!) and the cooking tutorial videos, and the people playing rags to riches sims challenges. (i didnt know that was a challenge that people do, i've always liked to cheat my sims money to 0 and make them eat out of the dumpster for fun.)
as a side note, i haven't seen one of my friends all day since she went out last night and i'm getting kind of worried, but it's hopefully not like that, maybe she just has been down today and didn't feel like going online.
i know i don't update this a lot, but if you want to see more frequent updates from me (and in less detail,) you could always check out my tumblr blog, i post on it daily because its more easily accessible now that i have a phone. (i know i keep saying 'now that i have a phone!' even though i've had one for a WHILE now, i'm just, always discovering ways that they come in handy.)
here, last of all, here's a picture of my sweet bird Quincy i drew with a stick i found in my fire pit.

5/9/22

today, i found a plant in my yard that's started crawling up my fence, that looks...exactly like it's in the grape family. it's definitely a grape vine. of what kind i'm not really sure, whether it was carried over by seed from a traveling bird directly from a vineyard, or maybe a smaller variety of some sort of wild grape, i'm not sure.
but i definitely had to do a double take. i've never seen a grape plant just...pop up on their own like that.
heres a picture, to see if you can decide for yourself what it is. doesn't it look like grape leaves?
I didn't see any living tendrils reaching out to grap the fence, but there was a section of the plant that had died and dried up, that looked curled at the end like it had been a vine tendril.
potential lookalikes it could be, i think, are boston ivy, but the edges of their leaves are a little more furled, i think, or maybe even grape ivy, but the edge of grape ivy's leaves look a little less jagged than these here.
it's still a very young and short plant so i guess we'll see.
there are no native lookalikes, as far as i know.

5/8/22

oh my fucking god.
my mom went to go clean the bank because that's her weekly job. and i fell asleep because as you may know i am a serial daytime napper.
i woke up and go downstairs to make some tea to hydrate, whatever. to find that the basement door in the house is standing wide open and nobody else is in there.
i'm like. oh fucking jesus christ here we go again.
i start panicking and looking for the damn cats, and to my horror, as i go into the basement, the door to the garage door is all standing wide open, and the car garage door in there leading straight outside is also standing wide open, with my dumb fuck of a brother standing in there sweeping.
he had essentially just left a straight line of wide open doors for every pet in the house to waltz right outside.
i was FURIOUS.
i eventually found all of the animals, and even the previous escapee because he had apparently learned his lesson the first time and stayed the fuck away from wandering out open doors.
but i just can not believe he did this, after we had just spent an entire day looking for my moms cat with her screaming at us.
this was just a DAY ago, and you dumb fucker, just leave every door straight to the outside standing wide open.
the stupidity is fucking astounding.
so i'm like, "what the fuck are you doing"
and then he pulls the typical "man response" you know, where you're raised with like, a lifelong of privilege, and have this impression that you are definitely smarter than everyone despite all factual reality.
this starts with first, denial, blatantly lying to my face that "no, he didn't do this," while he is the only one other than myself here, and is at the very end of this direct path of destruction.
he immediately realized this was obviously a blatant lie, so he goes to the next step, of his tone acting like he is the one talking to an incredibly stupid person, with exclamations of "oh my GOD" and "are you SERIOUS" every time i say anything instead of an actual intelligible response, where they increasingly act like whatever you said was incredibly stupid, and that they are clearly leagues more intelligent than you, completely diverting from the original topic of why they are actually in trouble, and then they walk away and drop it as if you are the lost cause, thinking that they'll meet no consequences for their actions.
i obviously am not going to put up with this ridiculous bullshit, so i just relayed what he did to my mom so he can deal with her himself later.
every single time i've seen a man do something fucked up, and then you try to call them out for this, they do this exact thing. i feel like it should have a name at this point.

5/7/22

first of all...It's Cinni's birthday...so go wish her a happy birthday if you have time
second of all, it's 3 am and i haven't gone to sleep yet. but i thought this would be a funny enough story that was worth sharing on here before i head to bed.
when i got up this morning, i headed downstairs to have a cup of coffee. it's town wide cleanup day, meaning the town rents a bunch of dumpsters to have hauled to the dump, and people can get rid of larger furniture they'd otherwise been unable to haul that had been just taking up space in the house.
so, i go down to make coffee, and was going to help haul some old broken electronics that you otherwise aren't really allowed to throw out on a normal trash day.
yeah, sorry, recycling isn't a thing here, because there isn't a recycling facility.
well, anyway, my mom had gone out with my sister that morning to have lunch, i was asleep, and dad was already out hauling stuff.
apparently while my mom was out, she left her cat out, and the cat had somehow gotten a closet door open, or somebody left it open, or something or other.
they were all standing in there listening for meowing, which we could hear kind of muffled, as if the cat got caught somewhere.
i'm like, what's going on? they're like, the cat got stuck in the wall, or the ducts, we don't know.
my mom's yelling at everyone, blaming everyone other than herself, even though we weren't here either, me, being asleep still that morning, my dad, hauling to the dumpsters, et cetera et cetera.
the cat should've honestly just been kept in her room while she was out because he was prone to trying to get into that closet.
anyway, whoevers to blame, the cat was stuck.
we try to listen to him meowing, but he eventually goes silent, and we think he's moved deeper into the ducts.
so my mom starts yelling and crying, still blaming everyone, belittling everyone else, while the rest of us go to actually look for the cat.
can you tell i'm pissed? i was really pissed. i don't care how upset you are, it's not a normal response to start yelling and screaming at everyone as if we've like, personally murdered your cat.
anyway, abandoning the whole town wide cleanup idea, i end up spending the next almost five hours, trying to save this cat.
hours, HOURS.
the first assumption is that he's in the duct work, so we search the entire basement, listening for him in the ducts, and eventually, start completely dismantling the ductwork of the house, and we don't find him.
my mom starts sobbing, thinking her cat got out, assuming the worst and that he's dead, even though he's only been gone a few hours.
reasonably, you'd think, if he got out, we'd just spot him, or he'd even find his way back home.
but my mom is just in a fucking despair.
my dad eventually gives up looking for the cat, and goes back to hauling the stuff to the dumpsters.
but my mom's crying and crying, yelling at everybody, sitting in there on the couch. Cinni logs online, so i'm like, relaying the story to her while she tells me about her own fiasco for the day, i take a shower to wash some of the dust, fiberglass insulation, mold residue, dead spiders and cobwebs, and whatever the hell layers of grime i've built up digging through the dark recesses of the house looking for this damn cat.
and my moms still in there, crying.
so i'm like, for fucks sake.
and i go back outside, looking for him in case he got out, i don't see a sign of him.
like.
i don't think he got outside. mom thinks he got out. but i don't think he did.
this isn't a big place, there's not very far that he could go, that we wouldn't see him in plain sight.
people don't pick up the stray cats so nobody would've picked him up off the street in that timespan. not many people drive through here so he wouldn't have gotten hit by a car.
i'm telling you, if he got out, i would've SEEN him already.
so i go back inside, and i go back into the basement, and think about all the stuff we found out while looking for him.
he couldn't have gotten out of the house, because he wasn't in the duct work, and the door to the garage was closed.
i had crawled through crawlspaces and found where he was meowing from, theres a light coming up from the floor under there, so there must've been a gaping hole in that closet leading into the basement.
he had never gone into the duct work at all, he would've gone through that hole, and there was no tight spaces for him to get stuck, so he wouldn't be in urgent need of help, he wouldn't be trapped anywhere, he HAD to have still been hiding somewhere in the basement.
When a cat gets into an unfamiliar spot, and they get really scared, they freeze up and they go quiet.
he wasn't quiet because he wasn't there anymore, he was quiet because he was huddled up somewhere there, scared as hell, and that's why he stopped responding to anyone calling him.
So I went back into that crawlspace, and this "crawlspace" was actually an old paved over porch once upon a time, where the second part of the house was built on top of it. It was maybe half a foot tall at most, (it was a VERY tight squeeze) and there was old junk in there left by previous owners, and old carpet still covering some of the cement.
There's some sort of platform blocking half of it that i couldn't get past because it was too tight, but i shone my flashlight around the corner, and a pair of eyes reflected back at me.
and i'm like, oh my god, it's him, he's here, he's right where we thought he was, he was just hiding in a hiding spot that we didn't know was there.
i was so excited after all this that i even message Cinni like (oh my god he's here, he's here i found him.)
i didn't want to scare him so i tried talking to him, and eventually got to lure him close enough to grab him.
as soon as i got hold of him, he's TERRIFIED so he's trying to gouge my fucking eyes out with his claws lmfao, i start yelling for my mom to let her know he was safe, and we eventually managed to get him back into the main part of the house, where i set him down on the counter and he casually lies down as if he wasn't just trying to shred my face off or scared out of his mind. very smooth recovery.
anyway...that's the story of how i spent basically my entire day, crawling through the foundation of my house to rescue my mom's cat, who has fallen through a hole in the closet.
i still think i'm owed an apology from my mom for all the screaming and yelling at everyone, and totally...not being helpful in the situation at all. "bUt LoGaN sHe WaS JuSt UpSeT!" yeah...you didn't hear the kind of shit she was saying. when i'm upset, i just cry. i don't attack everyone else around me and make myself out to be a victim in a situation where there isn't one. (other than maybe, the cat.)
idk who needs to hear this, but don't excuse that kind of behavior because that's not a normal reaction.
i think she felt bad about it though so i guess, in that moment, that's good enough for me, and she thanked me for getting him.
you don't even understand though. i had to crawl through parts of my house i didn't even know existed. that old porch with the carpet underneath the foundation? i didn't even know that was THERE.
there was old garbage in there that had to have been at least 30 years old.
the cobwebs, the dead spiders, the dust, i had to crawl through layers of it.
normally i'm terrified of spiders, but i wasn't even thinking about anything like that when i was doing it, i just thought, "i'm gonna find this damn cat!!"
anyway, if you happen to be reading this Cinni, sorry, i haven't been paid completely for hauling the firewood yet, otherwise i would send you some money today for your birthday.
i had planned on it, but i don't have it yet. i know you said not to worry about it but i still feel bad about it

i hope participating in the art fair goes well. good luck

4/11/22

Hey!
Figured I'd post a blog update here after a little while.
Well, I was telling Cinni about this game I used to play a long time ago, Mabinogi.
I had eventually dropped it because all of my friends stopped playing it.
But, then she said she would try it out! So I got SO hyped.
But then, I found out that there's a server merge happening, and new character creation is closed...until like, the 14th. So I have to wait until then for her to be able to join me.
Still, it's motivated me into getting back into it, and that's where I've been these past few days.
She's been working on 3D models and stuff, and her furcadia dream.
It's ok, I can still log on furcadia and try to keep it active too...While also logging in on mabinogi to keep it active! I'm a multitasker.
Today, I spent the day in Mabinogi trying to increase my renown with Nele, because I'm a traveling bard...and I gotta keep my renown up! For appearances and stat bonuses...
I also have caught a small cold from my mom, so that's kind of kept me a bit miserable. (Not as bad as allergies, though.)
I was dizzy this afternoon so I laid down for a bit in the middle of my Musical Math dungeon runs, and ended up falling asleep...
But I felt MUCH better afterwards.
So anyways, that's what I've been up to, waiting for the server merge, so we can play this game together.
I can't wait! I have so much to teach her.
I wonder what kind of life in Erinn she'll want to live.
Ah, also, I've been kind of waiting for the last frost to start the garden outside. The cold has been kind of hovering around, hasn't it?
It especially gets cold at night, but not really cold enough to justify starting a fire, because that would be a waste of wood...
You know what I mean? Not cold enough to FREEZE per se, but cold enough that it's uncomfortable...
Usually the last frost is around the second week of April, which is what we are in right now, and then it's safe to sow pretty much everything else outside.
So...Mabinogi...and it's cold. That pretty much sums up this entry. I wonder what I'll do in Mabinogi tomorrow...

4/6/22

I stayed up way too late listening to deltarune OSTs. Why? Idk, I kind of wanted to play one on a site page somewhere. But then I got distracted and listened to the whole soundtrack.
Anyway, I was sitting in my little living room on furcadia last night, and I was like, you know what I haven't complained about ALL DAY?
YES. ALLERGIES.
I DID IT.
It took a week of deep cleaning over and over and over again, and disinfecting things every single day, but I DID IT.
NO ALLERGIES, the WHOLE day!!
Or it could be the new allergy meds I got. But I'd like to think it's what I've been doing. The evil has been defeated.
I was talking to Cinni and said that I wanted to try the paleo diet. Not to lose weight. I'm not sure if you can actually even use that one as a weight losing diet? Because it's not really restricting much other than processed foods. But like, it's the caveman diet. Au naturale. Grogs food. That sounds hilarious.
Er...After I finish this red velvet cake, though.

4/3/22

i finished what I was working on, testing out these new VSTs, and uploaded it with my other audio clips on my music page.
i'm not really sure if it turned out "good" or not, but i had fun making it. but once i finished it, the rest of the day caught up with me in an instant, and i realized i hadn't eaten in...*counting on fingers* like 20 hours? that combined with my hay fever was not fun. i ended up with a migraine. i finally ate dinner, and of course had to go outside to feed the hens. Quincy came with me, perched on my shoulder.
Anyway, i've just been kind of dozing around since, waiting for my headache to go away. anyway, finally, what i've been waiting for all week, is coming out tomorrow!
in space with markiplier!!
i'm so excited, i can't wait!
if you want to be there when it airs too, save this link.

4/2/22

I bought some VSTs and loops from this site called producerloops.com and they don't even have a download manager for massive files so I have to go to the library just to get access to the shit I bought...and they have the audacity to tell you not to use download managers but won't provide their own. who doesn't have a download manager selling folders as big as small games? browsers cant even install large files anymore because they automatically timeout after a few hours. never buying from this place again lmaooo

4/1/22

My allergies have been driving me insane. In an absolute fit of rage and desperation, I cleaned my living space from top to bottom, using distilled vinegar to sanitize every surface to kill any heinous dust mites that have been hiding. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. I also got two new boxes of allergy medication to hopefully help. To my horror, my burning eyes and an itch in my throat remains. Somebody must die.

Meanwhile, Cinni and I have just been lounging about in my living room on Furcadia, throwing clouds of color chalk at eachother for April Fools.

3/30/22

Have you guys heard of this thing called "reading"?! I've spent the past couple of days reading some books. Rereading the animorphs series, and The Leviathan Trilogy. The Leviathan Trilogy is about world war one, and one side has giant steampunk machines, and the other has giant fabricated, genetically modified monsters! I wish they were real. SO cool

3/27/22

Today's my birthday! I spent like half the day thinking of a way to spend it that was worthy...I knew I was going to end up doing this all day and wasting my birthday, just like I do every year. So...I instead decided to impulse buy a game I've heard about, Core Keeper, and got a copy for Cinni too, and we played it the rest of the day.

3/21/22

My governor just vetoed the gun permit bill, now anyone can open or conceal carry in my state without a permit.
I'm scared to even go out.
At least we get groceries in the adjacent state. But I think I'm going to avoid going anywhere within my own state from now on.

3/16/22

oh my god this is a nightmare. i still dont know what happened lmao, i thought russia fucking cyber attacked us or something, or something exploded, i dont know. i'm probably going to never hear an explanation for it because nobody gives a rats ass.
but my entire county + neighboring counties, all went completely dark due to a cell+ internet outage for 8 hours. It just suddenly cut off while i was hanging out with my friends, my mom was in the middle of a call w/ my sister. we thought we forgot to pay the bill, but i checked the confirmation message on my phone from the other day confirming the payment.
then we wondered is it a fucking cyber attack or something lmao, did att get hacked?
so my mom and dad split up looking for somewhere with any access point to wifi.
my dad found nothing, my mom briefly found a spot at the courthouse that could connect, probably under a different provider and confirmed that there was an outage, so...relieved about the missed bill payment thing.
i was listening to the scanners, they were not getting 911 calls. hospital servers w/ att as the provider were down. everything was down for 8 hours.
later found out that the outage effected all the way where my brother worked, over an hour away.
this seems like it would be a big deal, right?
and yet, it finally comes back 8 hours later, and nothing. i don't see a single thing about this in any news, local or otherwise.
this also doesn't surprise me that much, because when has anyone ever cared about anyone living in our state.
still, i wanted to fucking see what would have knocked our entire network offline, our entire phone system offline, and our emergency services offline, for 8 fucking hours.
and i guess i'll never know, because nobody else could give a rats ass enough to find out.
I also missed something very important, and sad, that happened to a friend, and i couldn't be there!! who's ass do i gotta kick what the FUCK
i was like, relaying this information that my mom got abt the outage and estimated time, from the access point she managed to find, by shouting it across the streets at the neighbors because they were super confused, unable to contact any of their family or anything abt this either.

3/14/22

i worked pretty hard today. i did my usual chores, like feeding the chickens and letting them out, and feeding the rabbits, and then i planted another row of radishes, and finished off the bag of seeds. and then i cleaned up the yard a bit.
before i did that, i made some new patches...i'm making a new hangout house in furcadia. i was kind of inspired by cinni to actually make something that looks good. my first house was kind of just a bunch of things thrown together, like test projects and avatars.
this one will also be stuff thrown together...but it will actually look nice...LOL.

here i am in the new living room, watching TV. (click it for a better look.) i will try to make the patches public if i remember to. i kind of spit so many out it's hard to keep track of.
if you ever see something in one of my dreams that i've made that you would like to use, you only need to ask, i'd be happy to give you the patches.

3/13/22

I was shocked to find that I had slept until 3 in the afternoon today...Cinni told me it was daylight savings, but, sleeping until 2 pm is also pretty bad ahaha...
My glasses came in, but I haven't gone to pick them up yet. I think I'll do it tomorrow.

3/11/22

someone sent an anonymous message to my (tumblr) blog to kill myself today. idk what prompted it, so i suspect its probably someone who just goes around and spams this message to random blogs. either way, i've opened a ticket and reported their IP address to the staff to have their account looked at, and hopefully suspended or even ip banned. either way, their ip's been completely blocked from ever sending me messages again. thought you could just hide behind anon and i'd just delete it, didn't you? now you've compromised your entire account.

anyway, i've played quite a bit of Fable today! i have some catching up to do with the folks on melon forum. i think i just caught up to the part melon king was at, and now i've infiltrated the bandit camp.

3/10/22

Have to go into town today to go to an eye appointment. Hardly got any sleep last night of my own volition, although I should have gotten more hours than planned, but woke up from heart palpitations from the stress of the past couple of days. Silly. I know.
So of course that made it even more difficult to get back to sleep.
Absolutely dreading the rest of the day. Going all the way to town, staring into machines all day, and getting ridiculed as if somehow the diminishment of my eyesight is my own fault. Have you ever heard of "failing" an eye exam? They sure seem to act like I did.
At least I finally get new glasses, these have been held together by tape for a couple months now I think. I can't even remember when they broke. I just know my eyes are going to burn by the time I get home and I'll want to do nothing but sleep.
These inflated prices on everything...they're stressing me out. I can't believe people are claiming that it's worth it, that its worth paying way more for gas to aid ukraine, as if the prices aren't primarily driven by price gouging to make a profit from our own local companies. Only 2% of the US supply of crude oil is from russia. So why are prices nationwide skyrocketing? I find it doubtful that 4-6 dollars a gallon in every single part of the country is because of the Russia~Ukraine conflict. I wonder what happens when you have to quit your job because you spend more gas to get there than you get paid? Hahaha.
What I think is happening, is that gasoline suppliers have joined the ranks of the many people gouging the hell out of prices to make record profits, and putting the blame on current events to try to mask it.

update: i got some super cute vintage-style circle glasses, i LOVE them. dude who was measuring my pupil distance recognized the brand of them before they even touched the table and i died laughing. they're definitely a unique-looking pair. and they look really good on me =) when i got back, my pet kitten Mammon in petz 4 had already learned how to walk.

3/8/22

It's been a while, huh!
to explain myself...i got really caught up into furcadia for a little bit, making dreams and stuff, and hanging out with people on there, like James and Cinni.
THEN Cinni gave me Petz 4, and I've been hopelessly addicted to it. and THEN, you'll never believe this, but I finally got a new phone.
My brother apparently was working really hard, doing meetings at his tech job to get discounts for me, so he could afford to buy me a new unlocked phone, without monthly payments.
It's probably one of the nicest things hes ever done for me I think. I was suuuper suspicious about it.
But it's possible he just likes his job and having expendable money, and likes using it to do nice gestures for people. And so, then, that's what I've been addicted to for days. Before I knew it, it was already a week into March, and I'll probably have to sow earlier cold plants into the garden soon, like carrots, radishes, and broccoli.
I also got an offer from my sister, to babysit her dogs while she goes on a sort of wedding anniversary trip, or something. She offered me a hundred dollars...At first I told her I didn't need that much. I don't know what I would do with a hundred dollars. It's not like, enough to buy something important.
But it's enough that it would definitely be wasted on little things.
But then, I found out that you can get a cheap guitar set for a hundred dollars...and maybe even a better one, if I even managed to save up an extra 20-30 dollars.
I actually cried, at the thought of actually being able to replace it. I never though I would.
My last guitar was like...the remnant of my first horrible job. I worked grooming dogs, and my boss paid me $4 an hour, so it took me a very long time to be able to save up for something like that. And I even just saw it by chance at a garage sale, and had to haggle it down to $70. The original price of a hundred dollars was a scam if you ask me, as the guitar was already broken when I bought it, but I made do.
It worked for a few years too, before the selector switch gave out on me. I couldnt get the money to replace the switch, there were a couple of times where I ordered it and it was declined because that money was taken out before the order was processed, and there were times when I was going to order it but the money was gone by the time I wanted to. and so the guitar sat in storage and kind of just, fell apart in more disrepair, until I couldn't ever afford to repair it, and so I threw it out.
I really loved that guitar though. I wanted to learn how to play ever since I was little, but my mom wouldnt ever get me one. So I was extremely pissed when she bought one for my brother the first second he asked, and then he proceeded to never play it and pawn it off so he could buy a nintendo switch.
I'm probably so out of practice now LOL. I'm so excited. But at the same time I'm wondering if I can even justify spending it on something like that, when I could save it for something more important. I don't know what that would be, though. My favorite thing to do was to do rock covers of songs that weren't very rock-like in the original version.
Still, this is like, over a month away, their trip is in June. I'm probably going to be gone that week entirely, because I have a desktop PC that I can't take with me. I mean I guess I could, but it's more of a hassle than it's worth.

2/17/22

she's a beast. a monster. a rabid raptor. i looked away from her this morning because i was reading melon's tutorial on making 3D worlds and playing around with X3D.
when i finished, i went back to coddling her as usual. she got away with it. the perfect crime.
when i went to water my plants, there it was, the three lettuce sprouts, just two weeks old, the heads bitten clean off.
she ate them!! grounded! grounded for a thousand years!!

2/16/22

I joined a game someone talked about called ximboland...and made a bimbo LOL. add me as a friend,
if you'd like.
i also went crawling around on the deep web for ARGs, and found a spanish one, but it seemed like it was made by someone trying to be overly edgy, and it was entirely in spanish,
so i didn't have much interest in it.
somebody complimented my 'music,' today, also.
i think my soul left.

i usually play around with sounds when i'm feeling particularly bad, angry, or very sad, to put my emotions into. sometimes it turns out somewhat good, sometimes it doesn't, but i upload it regardless to keep it on my personal web page because it's as much a part of me as everything else here.
so to have someone like that tell you that they saw it and they enjoyed it, i thought i was going to have a heart attack.

i wonder if people in this chat server think of me as very bland. it seems that way.
it doesn't bother me though, because i already know i'm not a very talkative person when it comes to other people.
i guess to update, i was feeling very depressed the past week. so i guess i sought out this chat server to have people to be around.
it helped a little bit, it was refreshing for a change.

2/15/22

I really feel like shit lately. i'm trying not to show it.

2/10/22

Nothing interesting happening...or rather, i just don't feel like writing about it. but, it's been a few days since i've updated this. so i thought i should...maybe,

ah! actually, my dad's cow had her calf yesterday. it's very cute.
I've been trying to be a little more active lately, regularly updating the garden section on the index page, even though there's not much to see yet.
The snow is finally starting to melt.
Although i've heard that it may snow again, before march.
speaking of, i suppose my birthday is coming up, next month.
i wonder if people still celebrate things like that. hooray! unfortunately, you are still here. have a piece of cake.
it seems kind of in poor taste.

2/6/22

Nothing interesting of note today...it was very, very cold when I woke up, though. Lately, my mind's been thicker than mud. It is a chore to so much as think. is it better that way? i don't know... i don't know...just focus on the plants

2/5/22

Yesterday, I finally got around to starting the plant starters. Well, I say "finally," but I still started them a little early LOL.
Last year, I had an incident with contaminated soil, which resulted in a terrible case of damping off disease that whiped out all of my starters, and I started late, and ended up having to replace several with store-bought plants.
Unacceptable! not good at all.
So this year, i am starting with a sterilized workspace.
what i did, was i took some home-made compost. (i'm not actually sure how the heat sterilization process impacts the nutrition of compost...but i started with my homemade compost just in the case that there would be potential nutrients left, even after sterilization. it shouldn't impact it that much, because i'm not sure how exactly minerals would be reduced by heat...which is why i'm doing that, just in case.)
i bagged the compost, dousing it in water, and used an oven to reach a temperature of nearly 200 degrees, which surely would kill off most, if not all, problematic microbes.
after research i've seen that most people say this process stinks, although, i'm not sure how exactly. when i did it, the only smell i got was a strong smell of warm earth, nothing that particularly aggravated my sinuses.
it was actually quite pleasant.
i would avoid getting a direct whiff of it though, hot soil can give off toxins. so if you repeat this, avoid doing that. in fact, wear a mask if possible.
anyway, so, i've steam sterilized the soil.
secondly, i needed to ready starter "pots."
i don't actually use pots. i use recycled coffee-pods, the type you put into those single cup brewing keurig things.
i mixed a small amount of bleach with water, and just soaked them a little bit, rinsing them off, sterilizing them with bleach.
the soil and pots, should both be completely sterile and squeaky clean.
not even a spore of mold will touch these.
i had some left over seed packets store-bought, from last year, along with saved seeds that i save every year, so i did a mixture of both. it's hard to keep track of seeds you save and don't label,
but a couple of them are perhaps peppers, or tomatoes, there is definitely at least one butternut squash, at least one cucumber, et cetera et cetera.
any seeds that show no sign of germination in a couple of weeks, i will replace and re-date.
watching the progress of completely sterilized starters will be interesting, as there is quite the argument of if sterile or "living" soil is better for the plants. we will see.
i definitely know what isn't good for plants though, and it's a terrible case of damping off disease.
i wish i could take a picture, i was quite proud of myself after all of this.

2/3/22

The power flickered a couple of times last night, but has stayed on. Today I think, is the last day for the really heavy snow. (We've been measuring it by how much the base of the bird bath is completely covered lol. yesterday it was about halfway up, not it's almost reached the top bowl. I'm not sure how to convert that to an actual metric system...but it's definitely well over a foot of snow.)
We are still under the worst level of travel advisory, where only emergency personnel is supposed to be allowed on the roads. We're filling up the bathtub with water, because we don't want a repeat incident of no running water with frozen pipes, and I think we are still low on kerosene from last time, with the travel advisory, I don't think we can go out to get more.
Obviously we are going to leave the faucets on a drip, but its possible it'll freeze anyway, because tomorrow is when the arctic windchills start to pick up, and it will be "well below" zero out, according to the forecast. They think that it will be worse than that year we had 40 below 0 windchill and had to cancel school for an entire week, but time will tell.
The windchill is what I'm particularly worried about, but thankfully we haven't lost power from the heavy snow, so we still have heating to protect us from it.
Since I went out and insulated the rabbit hutches the other night with left-over large plastic feed bags, the heavy snow built up on them and froze to them, building up a really nice thick layer to preserve heat, so I'm hoping that they will be safe. And unlike us, they have very thick and dense fur to keep them warm. If not, I'll have to get some cages and bring them inside by the fire. Don't worry, I won't let them freeze out there. But, I don't think it will be necessary. As long as the wind doesn't directly hit them, which thanks to that plastic & snow layer, it shouldn't.
I can't recall ever actually having to fill up the bathtub to preserve water, though, LOL. My parents tell me that the last time we had to do that was when I was a toddler, when we lived out on our farm in Independence. It was there that our only water source was well water, which we later learned was pretty heavily contaminated and probably responsible for my shitty dental health since the day my first tooth came in, but that's another story. I'm kind of dreading the next couple days or so though, because we go through a lot of wood in extreme temperatures, and I know I'm going to have to go out in it to get more. I can't even take the wood cart in a small amount of snow due to the lack of traction, so I'll have to haul it by hand.
I'm going to freeze my ASS off. Just thinking about it makes me recoil into my collar like a turtle.

2/2/22

Hello! It had started snowing, long before I woke up. We've accumulated quite a bit so far, but not as much ice as previously thought, and the winds won't kick up for another couple of days, so I don't think there's any threat of a power outage, at least just yet.
However, my internet has been struggling. The cables were poorly buried, and thunderstorms and snowstorms both interfere with them, so my internet has been dropping out since last night. I've been taking the opportunity to do laundry, shower, and clean some things, instead.
As for the amount of snow so far, it's not quite to the point of being the "worst" winter storm I've ever seen in my lifetime, as predicted, but the amount is comparable to a blizzard we had, back in 2011, and this is only the first day of snow accumulation. We are under a travel emergency, and the state is saying that only emergency personnel are supposed to be on the road, but of course, employers are ignoring this and forcing people to drive to work anyway, claiming so much as a gas station cashier are "emergency personnel."
The tow trucks are price gouging, I was listening to the scanner, and one person got into a wreck, the responders were discussing the prices of a tow, and I heard for this poor guy it would be $1000-$1500. So of course, you have to go into work even when the state has declared a travel emergency and tells you you're not supposed to because you're going to be hindering emergency responders, and on top of that, if you do end up wrecking, you're facing over a thousand dollars in fees over just a tow itself, not even the fees to later recovering the vehicle.
Leeches are having a field day, foaming at the mouth at the prospect of fucking people over. I've got to go out and check on how the animals are fairing in it, see you tomorrow.

2/1/22

We haven't been hit by the storm yet, it'll probably get to us later tonight. The city close to us has declared an emergency. I'm hoping that my animals outside will be okay, because they have shelter, but I'm starting to guess maybe it would be better to bring them in. They've increased the guessed amount of snow of a range to 1 foot to nearly 20 inches. The first couple of days the winds won't be that bad, getting worse at the end of the week, so i won't have to worry about the windchill yet. While the amount of snow has increased, the amount of estimated ice buildup has lowered. It's strange because we have a warm front right now, at 50 degrees, which is the warmest it's probably been in about a month! But it's going to drop to extremes tonight. Anyway, I got a lot of firewood yesterday with help from my brother, but I don't think it's going to be enough to last the entire week. I'm probably going to have to go out to get more periodically. Right now though, I'm just trying to relax and take advantage of computer time while we have electricity.
I don't know if it's really going out, but it's likely at this point, and I want to get every hour of TV and warmth in possible LOL. Starting plants indoors is obviously postponed, for now. Stay safe.

1/30/22

hmm...hm.. well that's not good. previously, our weather guy, had predicted that temperatures would rise back to the 50s this week.
we just got an update that instead, we are going to be hit by an imprompt blizzard in the next few days, w/ arctic windchills and a base temp of -15.
this necessarily wouldn't be that bad. however we are also going to be getting a lot of ice in this storm, which will compromise our power lines, and if it takes out our power, we will lose the ability to heat our rooms with electric heaters, and the fan that controls the heat of the wood stove, blowing the hot air to heat the house, will also be inoperable.
which means that if i lose power, i will have no way to heat the home in subzero temperatures, with arctic windchills, and i also will not be able to leave for help, due to the amount of ice and snow.


if only we could afford something like a generator in emergencies like this, but they cost hundreds of dollars.
so long as we don't lose power we'll be fine. but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little nervous

1/29/22

The house was 50 degrees this morning, and I woke up to the pipes completely frozen as well. Been trying to thaw them out all day, and it's 3 in the afternoon and I sill don't have running water.
We got some bottled water from the store to at least brew coffee with, but the toilets are unflushable and the snow has partially melted already so there isn't really a significant amount to gather to try to flush them.
I might go out and get a bucket of it anyway, to see if I can melt enough to fill one of their tanks.
So, I'm having a pretty bad day...but at least it's tolerable, still being able to drink water and coffee with the bottled water. I can't believe they still aren't thawed yet, we've had out our industrial kerosene heater blowing on full blast like a jet engine.
Moved it around a bit to try to find a better spot to thaw them, but we are running low on kerosene. If they aren't thawed in about an hour or so, it might be a problem.
Despite all this, I'm in high spirits today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because with that heater blazing throughout the basement, it's kept the house much warmer than it typically is. It feels cozy.

1/27/22

>I know this is likely an inappropriate time to update this, seeing as it's almost 2 in the morning, but this is haunting me. I can not sleep. Last night, (technically tonight as I haven't slept yet) I was playing Aetolia.
I was in Bloodloch, as I am a vampire, and that is my home city, although I'm not very familiar with it yet.
What happened, was, there's a lot of interesting...creatures in Bloodloch. And I came upon a "cat." The cat didn't have a face, rather like, a gaping, bleeding hole where it's head was.
As one does when they see strange monsters that resemble cats, I tentatively pet it.
Then there is a fucking carrion beetle. Skittering around in the room. I'm instantly distracted from the weird cat. I start trying to squish the carrion beetle.
In my idiotic chase after it, I miss and accidentally hit the cat instead. (I misclicked.)
There was another vampire there with me, and she told me that the cat was treated like a beloved pet in Bloodloch.
The cat hissed at me and ran away, and I was completely overcome with the mortifying feeling of having just stepped on a beloved pets' tail.
Horror, followed by shame.
I chased after the cat begging for forgiveness but the cat just attacked me. This was very reasonable cat behavior.
I just laid down on the floor and let the cat shred my face to bits in a last effort attempt at redemption.
Whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing in this game, is going to be replaced by the sole mission of tracking down this cat again and feeding it everything I can find as kitty treats in the hopes of forgiveness, and also hopefully avoid being publicly stoned by whoever hears about this.
I have been in Aetolia for a whopping two days.

1/26/22

It is officially the coldest it has been all year. It's below 0 right now, and we are also currently under a wind chill advisory.
I have my heater going on it's highest setting, and of course we also have the woodstove blowing hot air throughout the house, but it still won't go above 55 in my room.
I put the faucets on a drip all night, so that they pipes wouldn't freeze. I need to get more firewood later.
I also haven't felt very well, lately. I don't think I'm sick, no. I think it's just my upper respiratory system inflamed from the dry winter air, and a combination of dust and woodsmoke.
That's the general update of things, not much eventful, I mainly logged on to gripe about the cold, and feeling like shit.
Yesterday something pretty funny happened, I logged onto furcadia and my entire screen was glitched, everything looked like it was in the middle of the ocean.
I ran around in confusion asking about it, and it turned out it was only happening to me, so I probably looked like an insane person asking about being in the middle of the ocean (when everything was completely normal.)
I tried leaving the dream and coming back, but eventually had to end up restarting the client entirely for the map to function properly.
I think I'll log on and go into my campgrounds dream, pretending I'm some place warmer, and go "camping."

1/22/22

We are only a little over a week from February, so I've started to do some garden planning. I really want to try sugar beets, and some peas this year, but I don't have any of the seeds, and nobody is selling seeds this early, even though next month is due to start some seeds indoors in our zone. (Not many, but still.)
I do have some seeds that I could start indoors, but I hope I have some more options available to sow outside when it nears March.

1/20/22

Woah, it's been a while hasn't it. Nothing really interesting has been happening, so nothing to update the blog about. Just, generally getting firewood, checking the chickens, et cetera et cetera. I am trying to pass the time until it's an appropriate time to start garden seedlings indoors in my agricultural zone, which seems like a million years away...I want to try to be more organized this year and plant more accordingly to my zone to get the maximum amount of produce out of the year, but that is also very complicated due to climate change, and it's not as if the guidelines are very reliable, but, I suppose that's how it is, there's always something... Woah, anyway, I digress. As it is, I'm very, very bored. And nothing interesting happens, ever. Ever! So, outside of basic chores, I've been trying to just, pass the time by watching videos, TV, scrolling websites and social media, and also working out. In other words, I've kind of just been a stale potato chip, hanging out with my pet bird, being all leisurely. I'm jealous of zones that can grow all year round. There's absolutely nothing at all that would grow here, during winter. There is no such thing as overwinter planting. No such thing as winter coverage crops, or anything like that. Every single thing is dead. I've been watching a lot of videos of Self Sufficient Me, a gardener who lives in Australia, who has the benefit of gardening all year round, even if he has to cycle crops. Well...Anyway. For someone who doesn't really have interesting to write about daily, I ramble a lot.
Just popping in to say I'm still here, just chilling. I might order chinese food this week. I want creamy coconut shrimp...

1/15/22

Oh my god. I have had the worst past day. I am so grumpy. Okay, I'm actually just grumpy still over one thing that happened yesterday. I had to haul a bunch of firewood in yeah? And when I was trying to get the cart into the house to actually dump it next to the wood stove where it was easily accessible, I could NOT get it over the door frame. You see, I only have one pair of shoes and they have less traction on snow than a pair of socks on a waxed floor. So I pushed, and I pulled, it's just a TINY metal bump, that little metal ridge on the bottom of the frame, and I could not fucking get it over. I couldn't use my actual strength to pull or push it over, because when I did, I'd lose my footing and just slide in place, which was really dangerous when you're trying to bear the weight of a heavy ass cartload of wood that weighs well over a hundred pounds. If you slip and that thing falls on you, it's going to fucking break bones.
So rather than risk breaking my leg or something, I got pissed and started unloading the cart by hand, and I had to take several trips just to get enough wood inside of the house. The metal cart was also still tipped over blocking the door and I was sick of bumping into it with my foot, so I picked the whole thing up and threw it off several feet into the air away from the house. (Throwing it that high and hard was not necessary but I was pretty mad at this point.) Completely defeated by some cheap tennis shoes and a layer of snow, it was pretty dehumanizing. If only I had some work boots What would I have done if we so much as had a light ice storm?? Just a couple of inches of snow at that point, and I couldn't even push the cart in it. Useless shoes. I did have some extra money to spend this week, but it wasn't even enough to get a pair of shoes. But I knew I probably wouldn't be able to spend that a week from now, so I figured I'd treat myself, but all I could think about was the shoes I needed and nothing else seemed a comparable use of the money. I ended up spending my entire night just trying to figure out what wouldn't be a complete waste of it. And I failed.

1/15/22

I've been using old boxes to make a paper mache 'box shelf' to store random things on LOL. It worked out surprisingly well. I wonder, how do you keep cardboard from bowing a bit under paper mache. It would almost look legitimate if it didn't look like a van gogh painting. Maybe I'll paint it and make it part of the room, put my tabletop miniature figures on it. I have a few of them, I think they're cool. Ghoulies and dragons, demons, wolves, spiders, gargoyles.

1/14/22

>Hello, hello. I've been getting ready for this winter storm to come, they've named it, strangely enough. They don't usually do that. It's called "Izzy."
(Izzy? From...blIZZard? lol)
My mom seems doubtful that it will snow a lot, because it never snows as much as they claim. And when it does snow in excess, it's usually not predicted at all. I brought in some firewood expecting a blizzard though, even hoping it will move further south than us and skim past us. I don't really want to deal with it.
Meanwhile, I'm still here binging digimon and posting en masse on my new digimon fan blog lol...Chilling here with my bird Quincy who has definitely perked up over the past day. She is currently vigoriously preening herself after a shower. She is making quite the mess of my desk. There are corn bread crumbs everywhere.

1/13/22

>I think my cockatiel is sick? I don't really know what's going on. I woke up to her making strange noises like she was crying, as if she were in pain. So I checked her over in a panic and she was shivering, he feathers all puffed up. I can hardly get her to eat, but she is drinking water. She's still lucid, if very tired, and doesn't seem like she's completely suffering, but she definitely looks like she doesn't feel too great, and is weak. I don't really understand what's going on. We don't have any exotic vets that I could take her to, and my local one that sees a variety of animals (due to the livestock around here) refuses to see birds because he doesn't like them.

>I think I overreacted how bad Quincy's (that's her name) cold was...she only seems to be minorly sick haha. I hope it passes soon. I've been giving her extra attention lately, carrying her around the house in my hand like she is an ice cream cone. She likes to be manhandled like that, for some reason. I wonder if it's comfortable to by curled up in a fist. She's currently loafing on my shoulder.

1/12/22

I have terrible news, apparently while I was sleeping, the rabbits(?) Or perhaps maybe the dog had again dislodged their feed container from the cage, leaving an opening for them to escape. Two of the baby rabbits did, and my dog Pepperjack played with them, and I think she scared them to death. My mom found them in the yard dead. They weren't actually hurt in any way, as Pepper is not really a violent dog, however she gets overly excited so what I think happened was when she saw them, she tried to play with them by running with them, and the sight of her worked them up to the point of giving themselves a heart attack. My dad assures me that it isn't my fault, as the rabbits are his, and the food container dislodging from the cage has happened before and I had notified him about it, and it is technically his responsibility to maintain their hutches and things like this. However I feel like if I had personally investigated what to do about it and fixed it myself, or at least woke up earlier today, I could have caught them before anything bad had happened. Even though their care is not 'technically' my responsibility, I definitely could have done something about it to prevent this, and consider it partially my fault. I had grown rather attached to them too.

1/11/22

>I woke up from the dead of sleep with a particularly horrible nightmare. I still thought it was real for a good few minutes after I woke up. My hearts still pounding, I feel like I can't breathe.

The more I've participated in growing food, the research I've done, and the time I've spent working with agriculture, the more I'm becoming convinced that "food waste" is a fabricated issue...
Food is not really a limited resource. It's not hard to grow so long as you have the time invested in it, and the experience doing it. There will always be places that have been capable of putting out enough food even while others have experienced setbacks.
Today you see, I've read an article about switching up expiration dates with 'best by' date to help prevent food waste. And while I'm like, in favor of this, of course any potential to consume something that will have otherwise have been wasted is not a bad thing.
But there isn't a REAL loss if that milk were have to gone off the shelf at that point. And even further, it lessens the time that it will have been of use in someone's home after buying it. What people ACTUALLY mean when they say 'food waste' is when food is thrown out right after production, intentionally preventing it from ever reaching the hungry people that need it, because it's not profitable.
Throwing out old milk, even if it's still edible at that point, is not the 'food waste' that people are talking about. What is real food waste is farmers sowing vegetables back into the ground because they grew too much, or it can't be sold for as much as they'd like, and then spraying herbicides to make sure it's completely destroyed and can never grow back, which furthermore, contaminates the food that we end up eating with dangerous chemicals that shouldn't have ever been there, some with ties to cancer.
This is why you end up with things like leftover herbicides in your oatmeal. I think that all of these articles about things like prolonging shelf life of milk has no benifit to anyone other than a store making a profit, and hindering the use of the product to the people who buy it, while industrial farms destroy tons and tons of food that could have fed hungry people.
Food will always grow back. The issue is that the people growing it are witholding it. There will always be a gallon of milk to replace what was thrown out. Food literally grows on trees. And comes out of the ground.
It can be replaced. I'm not sure why people seem to believe that pricing gallons of milk the same while shortening shelf life helps 'prevent food waste.'
Typically the reason that a hungry person could not buy this food was because of the cost.
What different does it make, if you don't do anything about THAT? The food is not going to get to that person if you sell it as you were, just past it's expiration date. I end up throwing out food I grow every year, a lot of it, because there's not enough people around to eat it. And you know, I don't feel bad about that. It goes to compost, to feed the chickens, and there will always be more of it. There will always be more than enough, waiting for people to eat it, I practically beg them to take it for free.
So, no, I think food waste is a myth. There is always enough food, the problem is getting it to the people who need and want it, which is purposely prevented by producers in the name of profit. Anyway, something I've been thinking about.
Also, I should mention, even though we are capable of producing plenty to feed everyone right now, pretending as if we don't and destroying the evidence when money can't be made off of it, climate change is steadily changing that tune. So, I wonder how the country will behave when food scarcity is real, when we can't even distribute it when we have it out of greed.

1/7/22

>It's very cold. Pipes were frozen this morning. 6 degrees rn base temp, -6 windchill. Stay cozy out there, folks

>A girl I know got into a car accident tonight, sent her family to the hospital, and her little brother died. 'got into a car accident' is such an insidious way to say that an irresponsible semi driver barreled straight into their vehicle. Horrible, very sad. Those things are death traps. May the driver live with having killed a child for the rest of his life.

1/6/22

>It's FREEZING in here. My heater's struggling to keep my room warm. Windchill is -1 atm which could be worse, I guess. We're probably low on firewood right now too and I am DREADING going out to get more. Maybe later....maybe later...

>I got a crazy story for you today. I just heard that at a distant school, an adult marched onto a school bus and started beating the shit out of one of the students with a can inside of a sock. Just beat the shit out of them, almost beat them to death. And like the bus driver just sat there and watched, and other kids started beating the shit out of the kid too. Then the bus driver just continued the route as normal and dropped the poor kid off at the school. The cops are still looking for the person that did it. Is it just a universal experience for bus drivers to not give a shit about the well being of children?
I remember that mine would try to repeatedly kick me off the bus and leave me stranded miles away from home w/ no phone and my parents at work, because she didn't want me to bring my band instrument on the bus. I had to bring it home so I could go to band concerts the next day, but the bus driver didn't want me to so she'd try to leave me stranded at the school in the middle of corn fields with no way to get home. I get that they don't get paid enough to care but have some like, fucking common human decency lol. Who the hell leaves a 13 year old stranded in the middle of nowhere. And this one just let an adult on the bus to physically assault a child and didn't even give a shit. What's also crazy is that I'm not even hearing anything about this anywhere other than my local news. It's crazy right? Someone barging onto a bus to beat the shit out of a child would typically be in the news right? Crazy.

>The power keeps flickering, but fortunately hasn't gone out (yet.) I'm not sure what we'd do if it did, it would be dangerous to run the wood stove without the electric fan regulating it's temperature, it could start a fire. And it alone wouldn't be enough to heat the house, w/o the individual heaters in each room. I also need to go out and finally get more firewood, I've been putting it off long enough. My brother was supposed to help, but he got pissed at mom so he's out hanging out in the city and won't come home, so I guess it's up to me. I don't really mind though, it's not the bringing extra that bugs me, it's having to go out in this cold at all which I would've had to do regardless. I've had another cup of coffee and as soon as I finish my dinner, eurgh...I guess I'll go.

>A couple of little kids were peering over eachother watching me haul firewood so I made the point to carry 3 large pieces on each shoulder. My back hurts now but no price is too big to look cool to little kids. Ow, though. I wonder if they're the same ones I passed a couple of dozen eggs to, to give to their mom. She came back at one point to ask for another dozen to bake a birthday cake. They're always hanging around there trying to peer over to get a glimpse at our chickens, so it could be.

1/5/22

>Holy jeez-This wind! Woke me up this morning, battering at the walls. You know, I haven't really typed anything interesting here on the blog page lately. But, my day-to-day life really isn't that interesting. Maybe I'll tell you a story. Maybe the water rattlesnake story.
Before the pandemic hit, I would go out camping every year with my family, and I think it was the last time we went. We go camping on a campgrounds with a very large lake. It's an alright trip expenses wise, it's like, $20 to reserve a spot for primitive camping, $40 with electric, around $60 with a camper. Definitely doable for us.
It's an exceptional spot with tons of hiking trails in deep forest, and crawling with raccoons of which give it it's nickname, 'Raccoon Lake.'
Although other animals frequent it, like deer, which I've encountered up close a few times.
And some of them, I came to find last trip, were actually a little bit dangerous, LOL!
This past trip we went, my sister came with us with her two little girls. The lake was closed due to excess rain and flooding. My family still wanted the girls to have a chance to play in the water, so we went to the dock parking lot, where less than a foot of water had overflowed, so they can splash around in it just a little bit for fun.
While they were playing in the water, I saw an overturned section of a log that was pretty close to their feet, and kind of started eyeing it suspiciously.
So, I went up to it, and turned it over. And there underneath it coiled up defensively, was a light-colored snake with stark black spots all over it. I've never seen one like it before. I kind of leaned over it and just made shooing motions with my hands, and it darted off, its body zipping back and forth as it swam into deeper water to escape. I didn't find out what it was until later, whoops. It was a baby Massasuaga, one of the most venomous snakes that can be found in my state. It was a baby, so I'm not sure how dangerous it was, but we were in a secluded wooded area with no cell signal and no way to call for help if anyone had gotten bitten, which would definitely have turned out poorly if a, say, small child got nipped on the ankle, splashing right next to it unaware. I don't know why I felt inclined to investigate underneath the log that day, but I feel like if nobody had, someone would've gotten bitten and that camping trip would've ended in the ER. In hindsight we should have reported the sighting to the rangers, but I didn't think of it.
The Massasuaga does have a tiny rattle as rattlesnakes usually do, but it's actually almost completely devolved use of it, and it can't make any noise louder than a hum,
so it would be hard to identify as a rattlesnake if you weren't aware of it (which I wasn't,) and it was small enough and far enough from me that I didn't recognize the shape of it's head.
Anyway, when you go playing in water, don't forget to check under nearby debris.

>Something really interesting I've read just now, they think that this "long-covid" that continues to cause symptoms and breathing problems long after initial infection (not including cases w/ permanent lung damage) is due to a sort of developed auto-immune disorder that covid has caused. Which makes sense, considering that the immune reaction to covid is what caused the most danger of permanent damage and death. Whether permanent or not is unclear, but an auto-immune disorder is more managable than the people getting the essential death sentence that they now have something like COPD, like my uncle. Something curious to read about, in the future.

1/4/22

>Happy tornado test tuesday. (tornado siren blaring in background)

>Today while I fed the chickens some kitchen scraps, I noticed something. Most of the ground's frozen, but you know that layer of morning frost, that is usually melted off the surface by the sun later in the day? Well, the tall fence around the yard casts a shadow, so there was a perfect straight line where the sun didn't touch that was still covered in a layer of white frost. "Huh, cool!" Is what I thought. I then sat in here with my bird, feeding her single seeds one by one by hand like I were feeding a king grapes. She likes to steal sips out of my drinks, hopping onto cups and diving her head right into them. She thought that my wax burner sitting on my desk was a cup and jumped onto it, shoving her face in it, confused to find a light bulb instead. (It was turned off, don't worry.) I thought it was pretty funny.

>The pain from the exposed nerve in my tooth was particularly excruciating today. I don't think I've really talked about it much on here because it's a very sore subject. And I'm probably not going to mention it much again otherwise in passing, but. To clear it up in the future, long story short, I've always had awful dental health because I grew up on leaded water and some of my teeth came in decayed while the rest didn't come in as strong and healthy as adult teeth typically would. I just have some metabolism issues and don't process things as efficiently, particularly calcium among other things. I take a lot of supplements now so it's less of an issue, but it's caused like, pretty severe erosion in my teeth as I grew up. I had a dentist that capitalizez on it and lied to me giving me poorly fitted tooth caps on my healthier teeth that I didn't need (while ignoring the ones that actually needed dental care), which destroyed the rest of the molars in half of my mouth and they broke off after only like a year, leaving the nerves exposed. It also put my family thousands of dollars in debt. I only found out that that particular clinic was known for fraud after the fact. Now I can't even drink w/o a straw because anything that touches the nerve just well, have you ever had a broken tooth with an exposed nerve or anything like that?? Surely you have at least once. You should know what it's like for something to touch an exposed nerve, it's kind of indescribable isn't it? It's like your brain just sort of short circuits LOL. Nerves weren't really meant to be exposed liek that, so it's like your brain doesn't know how to process it. If you haven't experienced it yet, you probably will some day, eventually.
Anyway, the pain will only get worse while the tooth erodes being exposed, until eventually the nerve will die, and my face will sink in from the teeth being gone. I try to ignore it and not think about it because it makes each day feel like a waking nightmare. But it's kind of hard to ignore when it constantly hurts. What helps me get through it for now is that there is an independent company I know of that makes vampire prosthetics LOL. When I lose enough of my teeth, I want to get some...

If you judge anyone for their teeth, or anything appearance wise at all for that matter, you are worth less than the chicken shit on my boots. Even that can help grow an entire garden. I doubt anyone like that would be capable of even half as much.

1/3/22

I'm feeling significantly better now, I think. I've managed to stay awake most of the day today and yesterday, so the fatigue is probably behind me now, aside from my usual shameful napping habits...anyhow, it's dropped to pretty low temps today, so I've mostly been sitting in watching Lucifer, and wondering when I should get plant starters started. Last frost is typically second or third week of April on average. And, plants reach maturity between 30 to 60 days depending on the type of plant, so either the beginning of March or even halfway through February would probably be decent enough. They would technically be able to blossom by the first couple of weeks of April. However I could start them as early as I'd like for just, fun's sake if I want to. It's not like plants growth will be stunted if they reach maturity before planting outside, they'll just simply grow to adjust to their new surroundings after being transplanted. So, maybe in the coming weeks I'll get some starters going, if I can get the motivation. First I'll have to sterilize the potting soil, though. The bag I have out in the garage has been contaminated and I had issues with damping off last year. I can treat it with heat and there will probably be no problems.

1/2/22

I've spent the time while I was awake the past couple of days getting firewood with my brother. I think I might've mentioned that at some point...But anyway, it's because the temperature was supposed to dip this week, hitting 10-15 below zero. I woke up this morning, and it had snowed, and the back door was frozen shut. It's crazy, it was fifty degrees outside just a day ago. Welcome to January.

>I just learned that my sister's been in the hospital all night.

1/1/22

>Well, first post of '22...Just another day in hell. I'm pretty sure I have covid LOL. I think that's why I've basically been in a coma for three days. I slept through dinner twice...sleeping all night and sleeping most of the day too. And last night the flu symptoms showed up. Pretty mild, I just have a horrible headache, a near 100 degree fever on and off, a cough, and fatigue. I'll just sleep it off...I've been doing a pretty good job of that, I think. Second thing, I made a STUPID impulse purchase last night, I bought Honk, a fun eye-tracking simple Vtuber program. Am I too shy to ever actually post a full video? ...Yes. But...I like it...I think it's neat...Maybe I'll post a clip using it every now and then. I think maybe doing website CSS tutorials and stuff with it would be fun, some time. I can talk you through how to make a website theme like this. Anyway, what was I going to say...there was something else...rIGHT! It's january!! Vanitas no carte continues this month, right? Right?!? When? When? I gotta look it up! I can't wait to see the beast of gevaudan!

>I can't taste things anymore RIP. Was halfway through my dinner today thinking it tasted hella funny when I realized what was off was that I could hardly taste it at all. Was askin my family all confused like "This taste funny to you??"

12/31/21

>I guess I should write about it, because not mentioning it would be dishonest. I'm ashamed to admit that I've slept for almost two days straight. I've only been awake a few hours throughout the past few days to the point that my dad climbed up to my room to check if I was dead LMAO. Whatever fatigue I had I hope I've worked out of my system by now. I'm awake now...I'm awake now...I promise!

>Anyway, I can't wait for the new season of Vanitas no Carte to come out next month...I'm beyong excited! Sherlock holmes but with vampires...Best show ever!

>Supposedly, it's going to drop 10-15 below zero in the next couple of days. (Even though it was in the fifties today. I'll see it when I believe it. Stupid unpredictable weather.) Anyway, me and my brother got a bunch of firewood, and while I was hauling wood on the cart, I got my thumb between pieces and now I have a blood bruise on my thumb. Hurts like heeeell!

12/30/21

>Still trying to wrap my mind around whatever fucking sorcery insulated tumbler cups are. I made coffee three hours ago, how is it still too hot to drink!! Fucking incredible. Why is nobody talking about this?

>I finally threw out my guitar. Well, I didn't throw it out. I just bagged it and all the parts and put it into storage where it'll never be seen or used again, and I'll never be able to afford to fix it or replace it. It fucking crushes me but I have to get it out of the way because I can't even stand to clean my room seeing it on the floor. Hopefully maybe now I'll be able to forget about it sometimes.

General Peppers

Watch out which ones you plant, peppers can cross-pollinate. You decide to plant something super spicy one year, then you're going to be planting peppers just as hot every year from then on. (If you collect the seeds, anyway.) This has produced some interesting pepper combinations in my experience, we had habaneros one year with that delightful floral taste, which cross-polinated with what I suspect were jalapenos or wax peppers. The result was a smaller pepper with a tapered shape that still had that same characteristic floral taste, except it wasn't as spicy. As long as peppers get plenty of sun, they're pretty hardy, and I've even had some survive a couple of frosts. A must have for putting some spice into your food. They're DELICIOUS pickled...pickled jalapenos are one of my favorites. I also dehydrate chilis to crush and store in the spice cabinet for future use.

Butternut Squash

Low effort winter squash...requires a lot of space as it's a crawling vine. Could be woven around other plants so as to not interfere with their growth if you pay active attention to it, so you won't have to worry as much about spacing... It's a winter squash with a thick skin, so it has to be peeled before it's cooked, but lasts for quite a long time...If buffed with oil or wax to preserve it from mold, it can even keep for months. Has a smell like pumpkin, but tastes more comparable to sweet potatoes. When cooked long enough, it melts in your mouth like butter. This and the yellow color = thus the name.


Tomatoes

A garden staple...Lots of uses in everything and lots of flavor. Tastes nothing like whatever the hell they try to pass as tomatoes at a store. Unfortunately due to their popularity, can spread around lots of airborne diseases that target the plants. Most of them won't kill the plant, but can produce unsightly blemishes and cause mutations in the tomatoes. How annoying.


walnuts

The nuts are very good roasted in sugar and honey. The husks can be boiled down to make a lasting ink or dye. The shells make good firestarters. The wood is dense and burns for a long time. Harbors a mold that can be toxic to smaller animals. Should be sterilized. Has an earthy smell that can't really be defined. Crushing the nuts into coffe beans and roasting it makes for a very good coffee. (Delicious!)

Apple Trees

Similar problem with the tomatoes...Since they are such a popular fruit tree, can be a fucking hazard with disease. While a fully grown well established tree will lose not more than a branch to fireblight if an eye is kept on it, it will still spread the disease to any smaller saplings that are nothing but a branch, wiping out every other tree. Fireblight is so devastating that it can kill entire saplings in a span of three days before the disease is even noticed and can be managed. We've tried four times and each sapling has been killed by fireblight. Prioritizing the peach tree instead, due to it being a more uncommon plant in the area with less risk.


Foxglove

Soft with tiny white hairs, the leaves feel like velvet. Beautiful towers of bright flowers like drooping bells. Don't touch it without washing your hands afterwards, or wear gloves. Very poisonous. Don't use this plant for anything, it's too dangerous.


Lamb's Quarters

Also known as wild spinach, because it tastes just like spinach and has a lot of healthy vitamins and properties like it. Grows very tall with stalks that harden as it gets bigger, almost as hardy as branches of a tree, except they're hollow in the middle with a sort of foamish material. They have waxy leaves that are broad at the base and taper at the end, the uppermost younger leaves usually a faded white. The bottom of the leaves are also a faded white color... Has a mild flavor but it's a very healthy plant, so would make a good salad substitute. I'm not the biggest fan because it doesn't have much taste.


Creeping Charlie

The worst...The worst...Crawling everywhere, covering the surface of everything, snuffing out the clovers and grass. An all consuming horrible weed. Has a minty floral smell, and tiny tube-shaped purple flowers. I've spent hours on my hands and knees tearing clumps and clumps of it up, only for it to crawl back the next week. If I could I would burn all of it. Doesn't even deserve to be made into a tea.